Looking for Sunshine

It's amazing what a little unexpected nice weather can do.  I was driving into work this morning enjoying the 60-something degree temperature, the sun shining warmly, with The National providing the soundtrack.  It was enough to make me feel optimistic about beginning yet another week at a job that is stifling and unfulfilling.

It was nice because October/November is generally when I'm really hunkering down in preparation for six months of gloomy gray skies, biting winds, and having the sun set before I leave work.  Let's face it, Syracuse is a very depressing place for much of the year.  I'm not sure whether it's because of how I'm wired anyway, but I generally find it very difficult to combat the depression that accompanies our overlong winters.

And the really sad part is that I even have a hard time enjoying the little nice weather we get because the approach of winter is always in the back of my mind.  Actually, it's like that for more than just nice weather.  It seems that anytime something good happens, I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I have this idea that I always have to be prepared for the oncoming winter, whatever that may entail.  I keep myself from enjoying positive experiences in life because I'm convinced that as soon as I relax and don't stay vigilant, some catastrophe is going to sneak up on me.

I think I miss some wonderful opportunities to engage in the present because I'm so concerned with figuring out the future.  I miss a lot of sunshine because I'm too busy scanning the horizons for clouds.

I'm not sure how this is going to work out, but I think I'm going to try to be more intentional in simply engaging the present things that God is doing around me.  I want to focus more on people than on plans.  I fear that I will wake up one morning finding that much of my life has simply passed by because I was too distracted by "what if?" scenarios to actually live my life. 

For a while I've been trying to lose my agendas.  I want to learn to enjoy the journey instead of being so focused on the destination.  I've tried to have my conversations revolve more around the people involved than looking for an angle to insert my "message".

So this winter I'm going to make a conscious effort to look for the sunshine.  Instead of missing the good because I'm distracted or worried, I'm going to look for what God is doing in the midst of every situation.  At least, that's the goal.  I feel like this won't be a quick transition, but I feel it's important for me.  Instead of being beaten down by the gray, cold winter, I'm going to search for and enjoy every ray of sunshine I can find.

Now that I've written this post, watch this be the worst winter ever.

Crap, I'm doing it again.

D'oh!