Halloween & Cut-Offs

I went to a Halloween party on Friday night (costumes mandatory). I have certain friends who would disown me for this statement, but it's never been my favorite "holiday". Sure, I loved getting candy as a kid, but I'm not creative enough to make cool costumes and I've never been a fan of horror movies. But since I really like my friends, I decided to throw together a costume and go.

I decided to go as Tobias Funke, a character on the hilarious show Arrested Development. So I got the fake mustache and glasses, the hair gel and fake blood (hairplug episode). And to really make my costume complete, I picked up a pair of jeans from the thrift shop and cut off the legs to make a disturbingly short pair of cut-offs. You see, Tobias is a "never nude", someone who can't ever be completely naked. So I put them on underneath my clothes and went off to the party.

The costume went over surprisingly well, even winning me a bottle of wine as "Best Costume". People especially enjoyed the business cards of Tobias Funke: Analrapist (please watch the show before you judge me). Of course, people familiar with the show were asking before long if I was in fact a "never nude". This obviously resulted in me pulling down my pants . . . again and again and again. Each time people laughed in delight (not usually the reaction you want when taking off your pants).

Ask anyone who knows me and they'll probably say I'm not the type to pull down my pants for fun. That kind of humor has never really been my thing. But see, I wasn't pulling down my pants, Tobias was. And that made it ok.

Kinda like I'm not the complaining about a difficult person at work, that's Work Steve. I'm not the one with the cutting sarcastic put-down, that's just Hangin' Out Steve. I'm not joining others in speaking ill of another, that's Fitting In Steve. And I'm certainly not self-righteously telling others what they think is stupid, that's Keeping It Real Steve (now I'm thinking of "When keeping it real goes wrong" from the Chapelle Show).

How many masks and personas do I hide behind in order to justify hurtful words, resentful attitudes, and selfish thoughts? How many times do I become someone else so I can say or do something I know I shouldn't?

I've realized that I too am a "never nude". No, I may not wear cut-offs underneath my clothes (or do I?), but I certainly keep a protective barrier around me at all times. I'm much more willing to interact with others through an illusory intermediary, keeping them at arm's lengths at all time.

Really, though, what kind of relationship is that? What kind of community is created if everyone acted like that? Actually, don't answer that. I'm pretty sure I know.