So I stopped reading my Bible for a while. On purpose.
*Pauses for outraged cries and shocked gasps*
I know, this admission is akin to saying that Harry Potter is a better Jesus figure than Aslan. For a religion (I use that word purposefully) that places such a strong emphasis on scripture reading, putting aside the Bible on purpose seems an almost unpardonable sin.
But I realized something a while ago. The Jesus I saw on paper was a very reserved figure, very much above other people, unapproachable, distant, lacking affection and frequently impatient. He simply wasn't . . . accessible. I could very easily imagine Jesus as being God, but the thought of him ever smiling seemed almost sacrilegious.So I decided to take some time and let God address a number of wrong ideas. The thick layers of guilt and shame that had built up over the years finally cracked and slid off my weary shoulders. I became aware of a rather shocking reality.
I am loved.
Not for what I do. Not for what I've achieved. Not for how many people I witness to or how long I spend each day in Bible and prayer or how many times I've served breakfast to the homeless.
I am not the means to an end. I am not just a tool to be used for the advancement of the kingdom. I am the pursued, sought-after, beloved child of the Most High.
And so I crack open my Bible once again, not out of guilt or obligation, but rather to gain a better look at the One who loves me so much. I'm somewhat surprised by what I found. The Jesus of the Bible hasn't changed, but I certainly have.
What happened that made you come to this understanding? What flipped the switch"? This is something I've been thinking about. I know I have a wrong picture of God, but I seem to keep hitting a mental road block when I try to think it through. It's sort of like a lot of the twisted concepts I'm trying to put aside are the only thought tools I know how to use to guid me down the spiritual thought path. Gah! So, if you've been there, I'd love to hear some more detail...
ReplyDeleteHa, I wish it was just a matter of flipping a switch. It's been seven or eight years since Father has begun this process, and I still feel like it's barely started. I feel like things go best when I simply ask Him to correct my wrong ideas about Him. I get into trouble when I try to control the outcome instead of allowing Him to just take me where I need to go. I almost feel like I shouldn't be giving out advice, as my own journey has been something between a roller-coaster and a merry-go-round. Just remember that not all who wander are lost, and wandering with Father is better than walking down the road of "Should".
ReplyDeleteSo...no switch. Dang. Figures. Anywho...I think we should all be carefull for sure when it comes to giving out advice. Staying humble and all that. :) "Just remember that not all who wander are lost, and wandering with Father is better than walking down the road of 'Should'". I think this is good advice. Something to think on without any easy answers. My fav. Thanks.
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