Expectations Are Death

Expectations are death.  That's the phrase that's been running through my mind a lot lately.

Why are they death?  They destroy relationships, as we're always comparing the other person to our own expectations of who they should be.  They destroy hope because reality never seems to match up to what we expect.  They destroy joy because we're blind to the good things that are happening since they aren't identical to the pictures in our head.

When we're ruled by expectations, our relationships are shams and we're constantly disappointed and dissatisfied with life.

How do I know?  Because lately I've become more aware of how much expectations rule my life.  It doesn't matter what the scenario is, chances are I've already envisioned how I want it to go.  I constantly wish other people would say or do certain things, often so that I look good in the eyes of others.  My happiness is generally contingent on how well reality lives up to my expectations.

And it's a truly sucky way to live.

I miss out on how great people are and how much I can learn from them because they dare to be unpredictable, happy, sad, outspoken, quiet, boisterous, depressed, unruly, afraid.

Even now I'm imagining the things I'd want people to tell me after reading this blog.  I'm not only craving approval and validation, I'm craving it a certain way.

How messed up is that?  It's like I want to give life a script to follow, I want to pick out the songs that play in the background at dramatic climaxes, I want everyone else to memorize their lines and perform in such a way that makes me look great.

But it turns out I'm missing out on the best story imaginable.  I'm missing out on engaging with actual people, crazy, beautiful, struggling, heroic, awesome people.  I'm missing out on engaging Father in the middle of my failures and fears.  I'm missing out on living an adventure where so much is completely out of my hands, but I'm still invited to relax into the security of knowing Father's goodness.

I'm trying to create a story with me in the center, but that story is very small and in the end quite sad.  The wonderful thing is that I'm invited to join a much greater story, a grand adventure, where I have a role to play but thankfully Someone infinitely gracious and loving is actually in control.

So I'm trying to let go of expectations.  It's not easy, it runs counter to my self-centered impulses, but it also allows me to be a much truer me than ever before.  It allows me to more fully embrace the identity that Father has given me, and that's a much better scenario than any I could imagine.