The End of the Rope

I try to make it a point, in life and on this blog, to be completely honest.  I have certain ideas about God, theology, etc, but I don't want to be someone who espouses ideas without experiencing their reality.  I'm pretty adamant about Father's love because I believe it's shown in Scripture and I've experienced it in my life.

When it comes to matters of heaven and hell, the role of other religions, how "church" should look, I tend to hold these issues lightly.  I have ideas and thoughts, but nothing I've experienced makes me feel like I can give an absolute answer with 100% certainty.  

But anyway, I digress.  I want to be honest, both about the good and the bad.  I fear being a fake more than a failure.  So let me say honestly that I very much hope that this following passage hints at a truth that will soon be manifest in my life. 

Matthew 5:3 (The Message) - “You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule."

I very much feel at the end of my rope.  I want to believe that something amazing will happen when I let go, that I will fall into the arms of Father.  I hope that exhausting my own resources will lead me into a reliance on Him.  

I find myself at wit's end, unable to think myself out of my worries and struggles.  I simply don't know anymore.  I've run out of answers.  I feel like I've reached a point where situations are simply intolerable, but I see no escape.  

However, I do find myself encouraged by this passage from Infinite Jest:

"He hadn't quite gotten this before now, how it wasn't just the matter of riding out the cravings for a Substance: everything unendurable was in the head, was the head not Abiding in the Present but hopping the wall and doing a recon and then returning with unendurable news you then somehow believed." (emphasis added)

It's an interesting thought that things only become unendurable when we envision them lasting forever.  I know that's much of my struggle.  I want to learn to simply abide in the present, engage in what God is doing in the moment, love whoever surrounds me.  Instead I find myself imagining a bleak future where nothing gets better, and it is far beyond my ability to endure.  I fear that reaching the end of my rope results in me swinging from it.   

So I pray for the courage to let go of my craving for control, to let go of my pursuit of comforting answers, to let go of my need to peer into the future, to let go of my rope . . . and to grab hold of Father.  

To find grace for today, for this hour, for this moment . . . and to let that be enough.


Edit: I was just reading in Colossians, and this seemed so appropriate.  It's from Chapter 1, starting around verse 10 or 11 (in The Message):

"We pray that you’ll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul—not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us."