I have started to realize that I really do find peace in the corners. It may have to do with security, with knowing limitations, with feeling protected and sheltered.
I often find myself gravitating toward the corner of a room when I'm in a new social situation. Part of it certainly has to do with my introverted nature. But on the whole, it just gives me a level of comfort as I navigate a new environment.
Right now I'm at a point in my life where I can't see any walls, let alone a corner. Everything seems vague and nebulous, poorly defined. I struggle to find a place of comfort and security. On the one hand, I seem to have a lot of options. I could try to change jobs, or move, or change my life in a different way. On the other hand, I have no place to rest or recharge.
By being able to move in any direction, I find myself paralyzed. With no map or landmarks, I don't know which direction to move. My fear of making a wrong move prevents me from making any sort of progress on my journey.Sometimes I find myself wanting to just pick a direction and start running. Damn the consequences! All forward motion is progress!
But then the "what ifs" start playing in my head.
"What if I end up in a worse place?"
"What if I hurt somebody?"
"What if I disappoint the people that care about me?"
And I long again for the comforting corner, the wall against my back, the quiet moment to rest.
But sometimes, if I'm conscious enough to put aside the panic and the worry, to be aware, to find the space between the heartbeats . . . I hear a whisper in the sunlight and the breeze.
I am reminded that I will not be given a map that tells me the best route, but I do have Someone who will help guide me. I am reminded that even wrong steps can lead to beautiful places. I am reminded that Love and Grace are my constant companions, that they provide me with a corner in which to rest even in the midst of the wide open wildernesses.
