Two Left Feet

My feet felt light for the first time in months

It was like You came walking across the room
Straight at me and then straight through me

And then stopped and stood still for awhile

I knew then that I’d been lonely for quite some time

And as we started to dance, You gently took off my tear-soaked coat

And let it fall heavy to the floor and then

We danced some more

I do not dance well.  This is a fact.  I can blame it on a variety of factors, but the plain truth is simply that I can not dance, nor should I try.

It's that stupid rhythm thing, y'know?  I can hear the rhythm fine, but the translation to movement is where I get lost.  And the more I get out of rhythm, the more I analyze each move.

"Should my left knee bend now?"

"Do I sway right now?"

"What the hell am I supposed to do with my arms?"

Shockingly, intense analysis of each limb's movements does not lead to graceful dancing.  The more I try to calculate movement, the further I fall out of rhythm.  It's a vicious cycle.  

I think dance needs to come from the heart, not the head.  There needs to be an instinctual, shameless response to something larger than myself.  Instead of trying to control the rhythm, I need to give myself to it.  

And this pretty much sums up why I struggle with a lot of things in life.  It occurred to me recently that life is a dance, and for most of my life I've been at least half a beat off.  I have grabbed and grasped and tried my best to control every outcome.  Even when the music invites me one way, I stubbornly stomp another.

It's like I'm getting on the dance floor determined to dance a samba, even if the band plays a gentle waltz. And the worst part about it is that in life I am capable of dancing wonderfully.  For the few moments I've managed to let go and simply move to the music around me, I've been able to join in life's joyous rhythm.  I've allowed myself to be swept away by One who is music and movement itself.  

The only catch is that I have to allow myself to be led.  It's not always an easy thing to let myself be pulled into the dance, it seems my natural impulse is take the reins myself.  Maybe it's a guy problem, or I have control issues, but I've always fought against being led.

I do think part of the problem is that there are some misconceptions about what it means to be "led".  It seems that we've somehow used that language to imply that Father lays out a specific path for us to take and then it's up to us to walk it.  At least, that's what I had always thought.

Now I'm wondering if maybe it's not a specific path we're invited down, but rather an invitation to dance down whatever path we are on.  I tend to focus too much on my particular situations and circumstances and remain unaware that Father is asking me to dance in the middle of it all.  

I fight and I struggle and I cling so hard to the many frustrations and disappointments that fill my day, all the while missing the fact that I'm being invited to let them all go and join the God of Love as he leads a dance of grace and joy. Sometimes the hardest thing of all is to surrender my right to be miserable.  

So now I'm trying to quiet myself a little bit, to take a deep breath and listen for the faint strains of music in the midst of the everyday.  I'm trying to remember that my feet will move to the rhythm if I let them and that if I really want to dance, I need to face each day with a soft, tender heart.

When all is said and done

When all is gone and still just begun

I will be asked what I did with my time and why

Can You be my alibi

Cause I know I spent it dancing with You  

~ Blindside, My Alibi