I have a problem with doing anything poorly. It's the perfectionist in me. If I try a new pursuit and I'm not good at it, I almost always immediately discard it and go looking for something else.
If some friends invited me to start playing croquet with them, I would probably buy my own set to start practicing. I would scour the internet for tips and techniques to improve my "game". I probably wouldn't inject myself with HGH, but I may consider it if I was lagging behind.
And it's kind of weird that I act this way, because I'm not all that ultra-competitive. I'm perfectly fine with losing, or just playing a game and not keeping score. I just hate the thought of being bad at something.
I think it's pride (duh!). I do a lot (often unsuccessfully) to avoid suffering embarrassment. I put a lot of effort and forethought into protecting my fragile ego. And to what end? To construct the illusion of a competent person? To inflate my value in the eyes of others by being "that guy who's good at stuff"?
I want to learn to enjoy being bad at something. Maybe I'll start singing out loud in my cringe-inducing tone-deaf voice. Okay, maybe not. But I'd at least like to start engaging in things I haven't tried before without the crippling self-doubt. I'd like to enjoy the process, not just the feeling of mastering a new subject. I'd like to try, then fail, then smile and try again. I'd like to find worth and value in something other than my rate of success. I'd like to learn what it feels like to fall and be caught by the strong arms of Father.
I want to do something poorly, and love every minute of it.
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